Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am spending my child support on dildos
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Someone came in the potted fern
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
