At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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