This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
