You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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