he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
