btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
