How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize