She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize