Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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