Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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