Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
