Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
