New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
