i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
