haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
