It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
