Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
