Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
