I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
