Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize