today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
