I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
i think i just lost a toe
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
