the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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