I am puke
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
