we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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