I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Randomize
