Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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