I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
