remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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