I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
