I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Of course I have a pirate flag
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
