he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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