Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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