i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
