If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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