Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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