I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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