Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
