maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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