so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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