Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
