So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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