You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
