shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
