You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
