I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
