wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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