I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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