so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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