Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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