Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
