ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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