there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
