My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
