i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Semen is not good for contacts.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
