i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
