4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my sisters under your porch take her home
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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