Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
