I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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