Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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