Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
