forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
