my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
