so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
