you turned your livingroom into a bong?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
